Me, Myself & Cancer

There is nothing like having something affects your life style, or that of a loved one. When my mom was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer in August the news was devastating and I panicked. The things that were running through my head went from, I should drop out this semester to help my mom, what will my families finances be like, will I need a second job, how will my sisters react. Some of those questions I asked my self have yet to be answered and some are being answered everyday, but the answer keeps changing.

In the pass couple of days, and weeks I have found myself feeling like I’m not reacting the way I should be, that I might be acting to normal for such a massive change in mom’s life. I’ve become torn with the idea that my mom wants us to act like nothing has changed, and that she wants someone to express some kind of emotion for her.

Now you would think that this would be simply answered by going and asking my mom, right? Well it’s easier said then done as they say it.

A few nights ago while I was up thinking about what to wright and who to quote for my next story in class, I ended up on a support blog. I read stories that made me cry and feel the pain that this person was going through, and that my family can now relate to them, some that made me laugh and see that better days are to come, and that our lives isn’t going to be defended by this moment, and some that made me angry, anger so pure that I found myself shutting off my computer and making food at 3 am. With the question of “why must bad things happen to good people” “why do people believe in a higher power, when all this incent blood is shed in front of us everyday.” Questions that are way out of my depths as a 25-year-old WCSU student with a part time job at the mall, and minimal exposure to the world could ever think about answering, let alone sharing it with others on the inter-webs.

But the next day there I was back again on the support blogs trying to find an answer for my feelings and reassurance for them.

With every story I read I wanted to meet every single one of the people who posted about themselves or their loved ones. This showed me that no matter how someone felt, or what he or she experienced they were strong enough to share that with the world. I learned something that day that sharing your story or feelings online can have an enormous affect on someone else life.

Sylvia on Breast Cancer community website spoke about her experience with the exact same cancer as my mom, and she shared her story online. Sylvia said, “I was diagnosed with a very large tumor, triple negative, in 2005. I had pre-adjuvant chemotherapy, epirubicin, cyclophosphamide, and then docetaxel, followed by right breast mastectomy with removal of seven lymph nodes, only one affected, the sentinel node. I had three weeks of radiotherapy plus boosters. I had very few side effects from all of this treatment, except fatigue. I am still in the clear after 11 years and 03 months. I still live with fear of recurrence or spread, but I live a normal active life. If I can do it, so can you!”

Having Sylvia and many others explain their stories online where anyone can read them and find comfort in them, is a salvation for those like me.